"I love technology"

Call me a nerd, but I think this is really cool. Apparently, Atlanta is the most wired city in the U.S.

Open House

Tonight is open house, which means I will be at work until roughly 8:30. I should be grading papers instead of playing online, but I need a break. My friend Nick posts weekly updates on what he's been doing and what he finds interesting, so I thought I would emulate him as a way to start things off on the right foot. Who knows how long I will keep it up, but at least I will have something to write about.

This weekend was wonderful. Friday night was tequila night. We started with margaritas, and ended with shots of patron. I have decided that the only way to drink margaritas is al fresco, it adds a certain je ne sais quoi to the experience.

Saturday, after my headache subsided a little I got a smoothie and headed to yoga. My friend has a class at her house on Saturday mornings, that I have just started taking. I have never really been into yoga before. I have done a little bit of dabbling, and some more serious dabbling in pilates, but never seemed to get serious about it. Maybe that is a common theme in my floundering life. I am finding it hard, but extremely rewarding. My body always aches afterward, but I feel energized.

After yoga we had lunch at metrofresh. It was cute, the tomato basil parmesan soup was delicious, the chicken salad was lacking. Then I relaxed, I am slowly learning to unwind, to just be, and to not feel like I am wasting my time. I cleaned, which is always fun for me:). Then it was time for football! I think I sense a return of the UGA obsession which was lacking last year. For me, I had quite a football filled weekend, and I realized I had forgotten how enjoyable it can be to watch. Especially when cleaning, cooking, grading or drinking. We went to a party that night, and I hadn't realized how much I have missed my friends from college. The last year it has been difficult to be around my old friends, but the last two times, it has been really nice, and fun, and I wonder why I decided to spend time away in smoky hangouts. Later that night I saw the Features at the Earl. Good show. too much vodka...fell asleep on couch with bag of cheetos in hand.

Sunday...I was hungry and cranky when I woke up. Einsteins and frisbe in Piedmont park quickly cured me of my moodiness. I was introduced to the amazing abilities of google calendar. It is so wonderful to be able to share your calendar, it makes planning (me plan?) so much easier, and organized. So far I highly recommend it. I watched the Falcons game, and did more relaxing/grading. The evening was a perfect mix of conversation, meeting new people, more football, and relaxation. I fell asleep again on the couch to manning v. manning. (I AM SLEEPING!!! it is wonderful...)

Oh yes, I don't think I am going to listen to anything but Justin Timberlake ever again, or at least for a very very long time. Poke fun if you like, but I am serious.

So my weekend was fun filled and relaxing all in one. I can't wait to see what this week holds...a little Flaming Lips for sure!

Autumn

It is finally beginning to cool off, and I can only hope that the weather continues to change. I am so ready for hoodies, scarves, and fingerless gloves. I miss my boots. I was telling someone, earlier this week, how much I miss my boots. They are like getting a hug all day long. I actually felt a consuming sense of sadness this spring when the weather got too hot to wear my leather friends. They are like my security blanket, they make me feel warm, tough, sexy and stylish all at once. There aren't many other things that you can say that for.

I am still a little confused as to what to write about here. I know eventually I will post some poetry or fiction...even maybe some music and movie recommendations. Do I write about what a lovely evening I had Tuesday night? Do I tell you that I finally saw High Fidelity, and I feel like I was missing on something for the last 5 years? Do I post how glad I am to see Vincent kicked off Project Runway?

I am starting to feel better, finally. Hopefully my allergies aren't starting up. I have the worst ragweed ever! I think I will sleep with the windows open anyways, and just admit that I have a Claritin D problem.

Beginnings

So, I am a little delirious, thanks to the multitudes of cold medicines I have been trying while looking for a remedy for this annoying ailment, but I am going to try to post regardless of my clarity of thought. It could be confusing, it could be very confusing, but somewhere embedded in the run on sentences and ellipsis, there will be a flake of honesty. However trite or conceived it may be, most prefaces to literature contain an apology to the reader, so here's mine. I am sick, and my blogs come to me on the spot. They are sort of a written meditation of careless thoughts floating through my mind. When I have a question I pause and write about it, examine it form different angles, and then hopefully decide on an opinion for that day. Then I hope that by putting it out "there" I will get other's opinions on the same insignificant thought distracting me from productivity.

While not being able to sleep last night, interspersed with feverish dreams and persistent coughs, I thought about the idea of starting over. Many of the dear ones in my life have noticed that the last year or so I have been looking for something else. Call it quarterlife crisis, call it your twenties, call it searching for yourself, heck...call it mental instability and fear of commitments. I don't think that it is really any of those things. I am yet to be what I know I will become, and I am unsteady in the process because I am undecided as the best path to take to get there.

Here's the question of the day? Is starting over possible? Is it necessary for success, or even for forward progress? When is it right to let go and move forward.? Is it possible to completely let go?

During this transition phase of my life (but aren't they all transition phases?) I have concluded that I do need a change. Fear of failure has stopped me, and held me back. I have been reserved in choosing to move, but I don't think I will be anymore. I have been scared to expose my heart again. I have wanted to make progress towards writing more poetry, towards getting a masters in English Literature, and move to New York City. I feel like this is where I am supposed to go. I am afraid. I don't want to leave my friends and family behind. I don't want to quit a good job, albeit one I find horribly frustrating and unrewarding most days, to be left financially unstable.

When we start over, do we really begin again. After letting go of a love I had for a very long time, I have found it very hard to begin again. I have dated and cared for people. But I find that I am a much more vulnerable person than before. The non success (we won't call it a failure) of my previous relationship, has made me guarded. I am quick to be affectionate, quick to care, but very slow to open up and reveal the soft parts of myself again. I am at a place where I really want to. So in this regards, I am wondering if starting over is possible. How does one leave scars behind, and move on unaffected. I am not sure that I want to leave everything I learned in the past year behind me, or what I learned about myself in that relationship behind. But do I need to start with that proverbial clean slate to really make myself available?

I guess, to end my rambling, I question if we take with us wherever we go, the experiences of the past. If the goal of life is to achieve happiness (and that's another discussion of its own), then to move forward in life is to move towards happiness. Can we do this only by letting go of the past, or merely the things holding us to the past. Is there ever a possibility of moving on with learning and understanding, but unihibited by the nagging nostalgia of things that once were, dreams we once had, loves we've lost? Is starting over a reality? Or are we, in all actuality, running from something. I see too many of my friends leave, and change, and end up miserable. I see people leave and find immediately what they were looking for. I see people haunted by things or people from their past.

The only advice I get is to "follow what you know best in your heart." Well what if that heart has led me astray in the past. I guess part of the beauty of our condition is the not knowing. The excitement of learning what will happen next. The thrill of discovering the world through multiple lenses. I guess I am saying that I am ready for anything and everything...to start over, to move forward, to fail and to let my heart open to love.

Time for more tylenol pm. I'll probably delete this post tomorrow.